“The more we judge, the less we love.” – Nalini Dutta
Long years of life have taught me a lot of things, one being, how to not see people through the lens of my life and my situation.How to stop being so miser in accepting different behaviors than my own. How to stop being so Judgemental.
Growing up all these years, we learn what is right or wrong too early. We associate good and bad behaviors in things people do and thus assume, how these people will be in nature and occupation. These notions only grow stronger with the mindset that sets in, in our coping with western- Indian society, which is still conservative at heart.
I have judged people for smoking, drinking, even having multiple flings or relationships and somewhere tagged them as bad. I have grown up like this and would stop talking to anyone who I thought did not act like my father who never smokes or drinks. He would always come home from work on time and gave us all his attention and love. But the thing is the list does not end here, I never
I never realised I am becoming a person who will not be friendly and will be up tight. For me, every person I met was categorized good, bad, cunning, flirt, bad mouthed and what not. This, however, does not mean I never accepted anyone, I did, but only my close friends. I had a different view of them, I was more open to their lives and did not judge them as harshly for things I judged others. I realised it much later, that because we people certain people and are close them, we do not judge them. We accept them for who they are and thus the relationship flourishes. But why is this acceptance difficult for everyone in general. Only because of lack of love.
It’s not that I have been judged, I have been on numerous occasions for being ambitious which is a crime being a woman and at times for various others things. #BeingJudgemental, as I see it, is a malady that makes us intolerant of how others are. When we keep on judging, we hold ourselves from loving.
The problem rampant today is that we have a voice, but we do not use it constructively. We Judge celebrities, common man, politicians and have endless debates over someone’s opinion. At times forcing people to quit social platforms. In all this mad race and having once been a part of it, I feel to grow a society of love and respect, the only thing that is required is “Stop being judgemental” and “Start acceptance” of people and spread love and respect.
No matter if they are different than you, they are too a human made out of the same flesh as you.
“There is a language of love I seek, a language which makes a name a synonym of love. A love that has defined your soul and your presence in this world. Knowledge of God through the eyes of love.” ~ Nalini Dutta (ND)
The story of “The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak – my take:
It is just not just a book for some old insipid style of a love story but a story that will enthrall you to the core. The story is as much about love as about spirituality through the eyes of love. As “The Forty Rules of Love” are being revealed slowly, they will take you deeper in thoughts about love, life, and humanity.
You will feel the gush of emotions as Ella, the housewife on her journey to reclaim her life, amid her chaos of being a mother and an observant passive wife, falls in love with Aziz the writer. Aziz has written a novel which Ella is writing a report for a publishing house, on the book Aziz has written.
The story progresses with Ella starting with her life again on a professional front at the age of forty with no proper experience and no credentials to her support. Mystic is the book that she gets to read, hesitantly she takes up the task, not wanting to give up anymore. But the book grows on her as the writer describes the life of Shams, the dervish, who is different from all dervishes one has seen from the period. Shams is the madman who doesn’t speak as it ought to be according to society, but as is right according to him. His mission is to find a companion in life with whom he can share the love he has learned, the knowledge of God through the eyes of love.His sharpness and gifts enable him to read omens and see through the doors, walls and even people. He lands in Baghdad to find his soul.
There is Rumi, in Konya, a scholar and, preacher of God. He is respected and has all the things a man desires. He rides on his white horse and around him is his entourage, marching forward in the name of Allah and praising Rumi’s name. Yet he feels incomplete as if there is something amiss that is yet to be complete. The seeking of a companion on the journey of soul search.
If worldly fame was enough, saints and renowned would have found heaven. But it isn’t true, rather the people who find heaven are the ones who find God in themselves. True also is the hell people live who find themselves lost in jealousy, anger, despair and grieve; for them, hell is there within their hearts. – ND
Shams keeps on sharing wisdom nuggets and his rules as he meets people from different backgrounds in the city of Rumi, his love. People who are downtrodden physically, monetarily and have seen hardships, which Rumi had only heard off.
God – He is as much yours as he is mine, Only our eyes make the difference and see him as different. – ND
And God is what Rumi and Shams find in each other’s company, a companionship that completes oneself, something that does eternalise their knowledge and depths together to make one massive unit of love, overflowing with emotions. Their union is what people despise, as it makes Rumi do everything that is not right, according to rudimentary people with rudimentary knowledge of religion that prohibits them from seeing the good in anyone who digresses even a bit from the conduct written and understood.
Even after running away Shams has to come back to get married to Rumi’s adopted daughter, to get killed by the conspiracy of Alladin Rumi’s younger son and others of his like. Rumi in deep whirlwinds of sorrow becomes a poet, we know as one of the greatest poets till date.
Ella reading Aziz’s letters and getting solutions for her mired life somehow finds love in Aziz. He comes and meets her and they fall in love and goes with him with any hope for future, as Aziz is suffering from a disease that has left him with only a few months in hand. But she chose love over safety, maybe for the first time ever really feels alive. As Aziz, Shams of Ella’s life dies in Konya, he rests in peace forever.
The end makes your mind wander to experience a-Shams in your life, who can completely your existence and fill it will love and purpose as much as was missing all this while and you never realised it. Worth a read for anyone interested in love beyond the material aspects of today’s world.
People aware of chakras in the human body would have heard the concept of 7 Chakras and how they play a role in a human’s life state.
Will delve upon the concept of chakras and how do they interfere with the relationships in one’s life.
A person has both manhood and womanhood present in them, thus their basic nature might change from time to time. This happens if both the man and the woman inside you is not at peace. So, the first step to developing any relationship is to foster the harmony within yourself.
The second interface starts when there is another person in front of us. The man and woman have a different level of chakra awakening that is dominant inside them. Though in the current times with intermingling roles and responsibilities that men and women play, their dominant character also changes. It disbalances the basic tendencies and thus our relationships. Life states above, first we need to harmonize our own self, create the balance between the man and the woman that resides in us and then look for a person who belongs to either same or a higher chakra.
Fose who have studied Maslow’s hierarchy of needswill be able to relate to it quickly.
The man rests in the mooladhar or survival chakra – The Survival or Mooladhar is also the root chakra. It just talks about survival and thus very primitive and basic needs of a person.
The woman stays in swathisthan chakra or pleasure chakra – Women as per primitive values was believed that the woman will control the house, feeding the house was man’s responsibility. Thus having basic needs met, she automatically goes to one level up. Though today both men and women are bread earners and the levels for each person may change.
Manipura or Solar plexus – Now the thing is for the woman to respect the man, the man has to go above basic 2 chakra’s and reside in the solar plexus. Where he is earning and making an effort not just to sustain to create a name in society.
Now as we go up to the other chakras the awakening and level of intellect for each person also keeps on increasing. The basic start of a relationship has to be within the folds of love and respect. Men have to work hard to get women’s respect and be accepted as a rightful partner.
PS: The views are personal and influenced by a workshop attended at Zorba.
“When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.”
Looking in and around, I saw these women struggling and suffering at the hand of destiny if I may say that or at the hands of people around them. I chanting with all my heart to know, how to end that suffering in all our lives.
While chanting I had this thought. That ghonzon doesn’t want our life to be hidden behind a husband or a married label. Our lives have a mission of their own and we have to work to shine and make our own mark
What grief thus should we ever have to have been given the opportunity to be so strong and shine so brilliantly; thereby giving hopes to others who may be suffering
We were not made to hide behind a shadow but leave our own trace
We were not made to get lost in the dark but shine like a thousand suns
We were not made to use someone’s name or fame but to create our own
We were not made to lie still, but fight fierce battles
We were not made to be alone, but live with pride raising more capable souls with us
We were made to live truly and never hide behind any shadows
Take a take pledge for all you love; you will not let them sulk, but always pull up every time they fall.
I was looking at the most powerful women list in Forbes and realised the potential women have that is to be tapped to make them shine and never let them hide behind shadows.