I wake up from the sleep, the first thoughts are of someone I know will not be around. I look at the phone it is 4:00 am still some time before I get up for the day. As I lay in the bed the mind is wandering for what could have been or what I want to happen in my dream world. And the realisation that it is a dream, the thoughts will be thoughts, imagination will stay as imagination, starts to grow on me and I feel an ache. How badly did we want a certain thing, certain person and in real life you are not even close to it. I a take sigh and get up from the bed, hoping the day leaves me with no time to think about anything.
Time and again we face situations where we feel are same as the ones you experienced before or are following a pattern. Being in a same situation again, I question what is there that I am yet to learn, what is it that I have to change in my own self. As a Buddhist practitioner, I know our environment is a reflection of our own self. Something inside me needs to change to curtail the suffering that I feel right now. As Nichiren Daishonin said, “Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy! Regards both suffering and joy as part of life and continue chanting Nam- myoho- renge – kyo”.
Yesterday I took guidance from my leader and she said trust the Ghonzon( Ghonzon is what we chant to, it is our life, reflection of all good bad). If something was meant to be it would have taken shape. Tears roll down and I see the table with droplets where my hands are resting. It is difficult to accept, things that are not meant to be still mean a lot to you. May be we comprehend some things only as we see them few years later in life.
Even if I feel the other way round, continuously I will challenge myself not to be defeated, not to give up on my life. Life is the most precious gift to us, how I can stay so cold to one and all around. I am a Bodhisattva and my life has to inspire other lives. How then can I suffer and lament when I know that Complaints erase good fortune, so I determine to live my life with faith. I will chant to heal myself from everything that ever hurt, from everything that depresses me, from every rejection that I felt.
I will chant to be able to have compassion for the people who are still struggling with low life condition and no matter what anyone says or not, does something or does not, I will be in a high life state. I will be cheerful and happy and create happiness even if there is none.
~ Nalini Dutta