How you feel, when you have thoughts of giving up.. I felt something like this like feeling drained out by work, social expectations may be by everything every call . To top all emotional stress of meeting and talking to endless guys for over two years for marriage, each time trying to open up, going through the same patterns of conversations. I didn’t feel like doing that or anything at all. That feeling only wanted me to stay put, no prayers, know no god, no conversations, no DPs, nothing and nowhere a world of Zilch where I wanted to enter or was entering. Just felt astray. I was myself amazed at how actively and ardently I have been participating in my Buddhist practice and our campaigns and here I was lost in life. No Chanting and even wondering what if I stopped chanting “Nam myoho renge kyo” completely. But Ghonzon has its own way of pulling me back from the rut.
Early morning my friend called to say thanks for praying for her and everything she was getting now was all she could have thought of..It felt nice to hear that. In the afternoon I was talking to my brother and while encouraging him with each word of Sensei my life condition was touched. It is rightly said ” Voice does the Buddhas work”. I realised my own life is important and I can’t give up on my self. After this I tried calling a young women division member who had been ignoring my calls, texts for over 3 months took my call and agreed to meet. In the evening another friend for whose father I had been praying said she was grateful for all the prayers that me and our group has sent as her father recovered and is back home after 5 months of life struggle. By the end of day I opened my Ghonzon and chanted with gratitude. I realised I could not give up so easily on my own life. There is nothing that I can’t achieve. There is no fear that I should feed. I can not give up on my life. My life has it all it needs to achieve all the love, affection and care that I need. ~~~ Nalini Dutta